They Eat Brains, He Eats Ramen
by soulful-ginger
Summary: Naruto his on the holy warpath to prevent the destruction of the world in need of a hero.
1. Enter the Blonde Berserker

**God I love the smell of Crossover in the morning. This is the first installment of this crossover between H.S.O.T.D and Naruto. I don't own either.**

The 'infestation' was over before it ever got truly out of control. Every single living person in the entirety of the Elemental Nations owed their lives to one blonde and one blonde only. Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze, the Blonde Berserker of Konoha.

He was the shinobi who had learned of the headshot that took the 'un' out of undead and put them down in their dirt piles permanently. He was subject to six constant months of nothing but search and destroy missions, always coming back with deep gouges, physically and emotionally. Too many times he had to kill men, women, and even children that had succumbed to the viral infection.

Every single village that had fallen, every single loss, and every single hero's name was committed to memory and etched onto a marble pillar by Naruto in his off time, not that he had much.

The thankless assholes of his village somehow had managed to pin the blame squarely on him for the horrid infection and death, something that wounded him deeper than any blade. His friends, even the newly reformed Sasuke, never believed the vile lies that spewed from the mouth of the elders on the council.

All of the shinobi respected him deeply. He had annihilated the Akatsuki, Madara, Obito, and even led them in the defeat of the Ten-Tails with his Kurama chakra cloak burning around him like a golden aura of hope. Among all of them he was the only jonin, at age 19.

Today, sadly, was no better for our blonde hero as the council was demanding his banishment again. Little did they know that Naruto was already scheduled for another mission. The objective? To stave off the infection in another universe in dire need of a hero.

Naruto strode down the street with his head held high, ignoring the pointy glares and pointy objects of the civilians. He'd gained the support of a few of the normal class of Konoha after they'd witnessed his inner fire and daring rescue attempts. They'd tried to convince the others of Naruto's morality and upstanding loyalty.

Not a single fucking person listened.

No matter what, no matter the circumstances, he still had his precious people to protect and he would protect them no matter the physical cost.

He could hear Tsunade's shouts from his position four blocks away.

"Not again" he huffed and stepped inside the Tower. The two ANBU guarding the door gave him looks of sympathy from behind their masks and slipped extra shuriken into his pouch. The shinobi had his back…it was the other half that wanted his head on a pike.

"We demand that the disease spreading Demon be killed!" Isako Haruno's grating voice screeched around the room.

Every member of the council was shouting back and forth, arguing with the clan heads and the Hokage.

Something struck Naruto as odd. Sasuke was standing in the corner, his jaw trembling almost invisibly. Tsunade was sitting and sipping her sake with a large scowl on her usually beautiful face.

"Since you've refused to do anything against the demon, we've taken the matter into our own, much more capable hands" Isako smirked dangerously.

The Hokage's gaze quickly turned ice cold," What does that mean, Haruno?"

Tsunade's stomach gurgled and her features contorted in pain before she shouted the word 'Drugged' with enough hate and venom to make the Kyuubi himself shiver. Her head connected with the table and her breathing slowed, showing her to be unconscious.

"Now, Uchiha!" Isako jabbed a finger at Naruto. Sasuke leapt forward, large tears spilling down from his onyx eyes.

"S-Sasuke" Naruto tried to shushin away, only for the Sharingan-wielder to impale him through the chest with a Chidori.

"I'm sorry, Naruto…They…they've got Sakura and Hioma captive" Sasuke choked out through his teeth.

Naruto stood stock still, his eyes gleaming with a forgiving light," I understand, my brother. Take care of them. Make these council bastards regret this…for me."

Naruto's eyes and nose began to leak blood; he felt something on his shoulder. Like a feather had been rested there.

"I'll handle this" a voice rang through the room as light began to fill every inch of the chamber, blinding a few.

"What's doing this?" Shikaku Nara called out from behind his hand.

"I am."

All eyes turned to look at a young woman, more beautiful than any of them had ever seen before. Her eyes were a kind of blue that seemed to sparkle against the sun. Her white hair billowed in an invisible wind and her alabaster skin was blemish free. Although her voice was gentle, it commanded attention and respect.

"Who are you?!" Isako shouted loudly.

"I am what you mortals call, Kami" the woman smiled widely.

"K…Kami? How…what?" a Naruto friendly councilman gaped aloud before bowing deeply.

"I come on behalf of another God. The Flying Raijin, otherwise known as Minato Namikaze."

Well that shut everyone right the fuck up. Minato was an actual God.

"Your treatment of his son sickens him to no end. Naruto is going to be leaving, never to return this this wretched place of hate. Your punishment will be the complete and utter annihilation of The Village Hidden in the Leaves."

"NO!" Naruto's voice cut through the air like a knife. "You will not harm this village! Not when I'm still alive!"

He hacked blood onto the floor but took a battle stance nonetheless.

"That might not be for long" Kami noted the gaping and fatal wound in his chest.

"I don't care! I'll fight you until then to protect this village and everyone in it!" Naruto stepped forward, kunai drawn.

Every single jaw dropped, an image was shattered, and an epiphany dawned on the elders and biased council members. This man was still willing to die for them, willing to defy Kami herself. Naruto vomited blood as his body finally began to shut down.

"Come, Brave One. You have much to see" Kami grasped his large and scarred hand in her delicate one.

Birds chirped, the sun shone brighter, and the pair disappeared in a pillar of light.

…..

Naruto awoke, stark naked, in a large field of flowers and trees.

"Glad to see you're among the semi-living" Kami was lying next to him, equally naked.

"Where are my clothes?" Naruto blushed slightly.

"Oh those? I burnt them."

"YOU WHAT!?" Naruto growled.

"Even though orange is the greatest color I've ever created, too much of it is just dumb" she giggled.

"So, I'm supposed to go to this new world naked?"

"As much as I, and a few other girls, would love to see that I've picked out an outfit for you and gave you a few new toys" Kami winked and snapped her fingers.

A pile of clothing appeared next to Naruto, a weird metal thing on top of the bundle. Naruto gasped at the clothing, a black, long sleeve, button-down top, orange tie, jeans, and a pair of black Converses with orange laces.

He threw them on quickly, enjoying the soft material. The metal thing clattered to the ground," What the Hell is this?"

"A .44 magnum revolver, brand new hammer and grip, uses hollow points to blow the fuck out of anything in your way."

Naruto was silent before he cocked is head to the side,"Wha?"

Kami sighed," Pull the trigger six times, open the spinny thing, dump out the bullets, put new ones in, pull the hammer back, and aim for the head."

"Simple enough" Naruto spun the chamber. A tugging on his jeans made him look down quickly, Kami was tying a short sword to his hip.

"It was made by your dad, he wishes you luck" she finished tying the knot.

"How long do I have?"

Kami held up her fingers. 3…2…1.

Cue blinding light.

…..

"Mr. Tajima!"

Three teachers crowded around the now still body of the school's gym teacher.

"It's already started" Naruto cursed and doubled back to the school. It was already fucking chaos, the principal had given his life to warn the students of the incoming infected before being killed and reanimated himself.

Naruto prayed for the man.

SLAP!

His sensitive fox ears picked up the sound of a hand impacting with someone's face.

"We've got to go!" a brown haired teen pulled a girl and a grey haired guy out a classroom to Naruto's right. It was a smart move too as the other students began a large stampede in their panic to get out.

"Come with me! Over here!" Naruto yelled above the bedlam. The brown haired teen nodded and ran towards him.

"What do we do?" he questioned.

"Get to the roof, we'll barricade ourselves up there until we can figure out a more concrete plan" Naruto wheeled back and decapitated an undead student.

A scream gave Naruto cause to bolt," Get to the roof! Go!"

He sprinted down the hall towards the scream, decimating any and all zombies in the hallway. A small nurse's office was on his left, apparently the origin of the scream. He ducked inside, seeing a young glasses-wearing teen being attacked by a horde. He'd been defending the school nurse, Ms. Shizuka when he'd finally been overwhelmed.

Four lightning fast strikes later the dead stayed dead. Naruto eased the boy into a more comfortable position.

"I'm not going to lie to you, you're going to die" Naruto spoke quietly and fast, he had given this speech before…too many times and he never sugarcoated it.

The boy's eyes dimmed a little behind his glasses but he still gave a small smile," At least…at least I helped Ms. Shizuka, now others can be helped by her skills."

Naruto lowered his head, his eyes hidden by his bangs; he hated seeing this the most, the truly good people who would die so soon…so fucking soon.

He unsheathed his tanto," I'll make it quick."

The boy nodded and closed his eyes; resigned to the death he had been given.

"May Kami hold you close" Naruto brought the blade down and cleaved the boy's head in two.

Just like that…Naruto knew this wouldn't be the last infected person he'd have to put down before they turn.

Great, fucking great.

**Now I have something to address, I just decided to add onto the first chapter a wee bit. To the people who don't understand why Naruto stopped Kami from destroying the village is because if he succumbed to the anger and hate would he be any better than the villagers? No, he has his people to protect and he still loves the village, no matter what bullshit they throw at him.**


	2. The Group is Formed

**I'm surprised how fast this story blew up. Please keep reviewing. I don't own Naruto or HOTD.**

"Ma'am we have to move. Now" Naruto hauled the nurse up and led her down the hallway, ignoring her squeaks when she slipped in fresh blood.

"Blondie-san!" a voice called from down the hallway. Naruto growled at the nickname and turned to face a pink-haired girl wearing glasses.

"Do not call me that" Naruto leveled his revolver at her.

"No! I'm sorry!" she held up her hands meekly.

**Bang.**

A hollow point tore through the frontal lobe of an infected about to take a chunk out of the girl's defenseless neck.

His eyes bore into hers before he turned sharply on his heel," If you want to live, I recommend you come with us and start paying attention."

The sound of compressed air announced a nail flying into the temple of a crawling zombie that was about to rip a hole in Shizuka's ankle.

"You're not half-bad with that" a slightly chubby boy motioned to Naruto's revolver.

"Same to you, that's an interesting weapon. Very innovative. Thanks for the save, we owe you one."

"What's your name?"

"Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze, who are you two?"

"My name is Saya, the chubby gun-otaku over there is Kohta."

"I've got three people on the roof I need to retrieve. Head to the lobby and keep your mouths shut. These fuckers rely solely on sound" Naruto turned and shushined away, scaring the ever loving Hell out of the three students.

**The Roof**

Scores of the undead crowded the roof, moaning and shuffling aimlessly on the hot tar. A barricade at the top of a set of stairs glinted in the sunlight. Naruto hurled a three-pronged kunai that stuck into the wall next to it.

"I fucking love this jutsu; it's the only way to travel" Naruto grinned before disappearing in a flash of pure gold and reappearing at the top of the stairs.

"Dammit! Hisashi's turning! "

"Takashi, do it! I don't want to be one of those damned things! I want to be me until the end!" Hisashi pleaded to Takashi.

The blonde hurtled the barricade and hustled around the corner. A bandage was wrapped tightly around the grey-haired boy's right bicep, dark crimson blood spilling onto the roof.

"Hisashi, no you can't! Takashi, I won't let you!" the girl cried out.

"You have to do it, Takashi. Otherwise…he'll turn on us" Naruto made his presence known.

"Who are you to say that?! He could live!"

"We can't take that chance, Rei. He's in pain!" Takashi gripped his bat tightly.

"Please, Takashi…just do it" Hisashi bowed his head, leaving him defenseless. Naruto sighed, another person willing to sacrifice himself to help protect the safety of others.

"Let me do it. It was my fault you three went for the roof and my fault for leaving you unprotected" Naruto tugged on Takashi's shoulder and steered him towards the sobbing Rei. Takashi hid her eyes with his hand.

**Shing.**

The tanto was extracted from its sheath, its blade almost glowing in the sun," I promise you, Hisashi, it will be painless."

"Did…did I help anyone?"

"You protected two people with your life at your own peril. You've earned your title as a hero."

Hisashi smiled. It was frozen in place as Naruto rammed the sword through his forehead. Naruto quickly covered him with a tarp; with a stamp of his foot he created a crater in the roof where he placed Hisashi's body. A makeshift grave.

Rei sobbed onto the broken concrete where Hisashi's chest would be as Naruto and Takashi looked out into the city.

"I'm sorry" Naruto lowered his head.

"Couldn't be helped….it's only going to get worse, isn't it?"

"Worse than you could ever fathom" Naruto cleaned the blood off his blade.

"What's the point of living anymore? If we have to keep doing things like this, what's the point?" Rei said, almost to herself.

"Rei! Hisashi wouldn't want you to say that!" Takashi went to comfort her, only to stop when she shot him a venom-filled glare.

"And how would you know?! You hated Hisashi because he was dating me! I bet you enjoyed seeing him die!" Rei spat.

Something seemed to break inside Takashi as his eye dimmed ever so slightly and he backed away.

"Where do you think you're going?" she shouted, a little more out of fear than anger.

"I don't want to be a bother, I'll leave you to destroy Them" Takashi rounded the corner towards the barricade.

Naruto grabbed Rei by the wrist," If you don't stop him right the fuck now you'll never forgive yourself when he dies. You may have liked Hisashi but it's obvious to anyone with half a goddamn brain cell that you love Takashi. If he dies the blood will be on your hands."

The blonde shinobi released her and went back to cleaning his sword quietly.

Rei shook slightly before rushing after the brown haired teenager," Takashi! No, don't go! Stay here! Please, you're all that I have left."

She grabbed hold of his arm, stopping him from climbing over the straining barricade.

"Why? I thought you hated me?" Takashi asked in a monotone.

"Nope. Uh-uh, none of that emo shit. I had enough of that from someone back home. Just fucking forgive each other already you hormonal dumbasses" Naruto's voice drifted from around the corner.

"Please…Stay" Rei clutched his arm tightly and cried.

Thankfully, he stepped down and embraced Rei tightly.

"Reminds me of Anko" Naruto sighed.

Anko? Yep, they got together the night he was promoted to jonin. Best night of his young life. That had been a year ago…

"I wonder if she even misses me"

**Konoha Hokage Tower (Two hours Earlier)**

"_HE'S WHAT!?" a trench coat clad woman screamed at the top of her lungs. She couldn't fucking believe it…her Naruto. HERS. Was gone. Was this Kami's sick way of fucking with her time and time again? She's finally happy and then it's all swept away like it was nothing?_

"_The councils betrayed us, they kidnapped Sasuke Uchiha's wife and child and threatened to kill them…he had no choice" Tsunade threw her sake away, her drinking had cost her the only thing she's had to call a son._

_Anko was gone in a quarter of a heartbeat. No sooner than Tsunade's sake hit the floor did screams echo from the council chambers._

"_Mitarashi? What are you-AAGH!" Tsunade could hear Homura choking on his own blood along with Koharu. Isako had been saved specifically for the Rookie 9 do deal with._

_The cell she was being held in is no being cleaned with a __**very **__powerful hose. _

"_Naruto may not have wanted them punished..but I damn sure do!" Tsunade had officially ordered the execution of both councils and had the approval of the Fire Daimyo, someone whom Naruto had saved personally._

_It was going to be a long road to recovery in Konoha…a long road indeed._

**Dimensional Rift Closed, Back to Japan.**

"What happens now?" Takashi approached Naruto.

"We need someplace safe. Shelter, water, food, clothing…maybe some of these shiny things" Naruto held up his gun.

"Guns? Firearms and bullets? How the Hell do you not know what those are?" Rei gave Naruto an odd look.

"I'll explain later. We need to get to another group of people that are waiting for us" Naruto grabbed ahold of both Rei and Takashi after throwing his special kunai at the door leading down from the roof.

In a flash of gold, they appeared at the door, "What the fuck was that?"

Takashi and Rei were both gagging on their breakfast.

"Is this really the fucking place to be asking questions?" Naruto gestured to the undead currently shuffling towards them.

"Point taken" Takashi opened the door of the roof and ushered the two inside. As quietly as the trio could, they made their way to the lobby.

The sound of a drill and a terrified scream gave them cause to sprint faster.

"Saya-san!" Naruto past the other two and reached the lobby in time to see Saya ram a drill into an infected's face. Her eyes were wide and feral, the blood streaking around her mouth only added to the look. The drill began to slow as flesh bunched around it, fragments of skull broke free and crumbled on the floor.

After a few seconds, the zombie stopped twitching and Saya stopped screaming. Now she just wailed. Naruto quickly had her wrapped up in a tight embrace; he called this K.S. or Killing Shock. It was a common occurrence after killing one of Them for the first time.

"It'll be fine, it'll all be alright. I promise we'll be alright" Naruto whispered into her hair softly and felt her trembling taper off. He let Shizuka take over after a while.

He had survivors to save.

**Thwack.**

A zombie rocketed past the group before slamming into a trophy case.

"Holy shit" Naruto cocked his head to the side.

"Double shit" Takashi did the same when the trophy case collapsed and shredded the zombie with broken glass.

"Men, such geniuses with responses" a purple-haired swordswoman stepped out from the shadows, the ghost of a smile on her face.

"Lady Saeko" Takashi and Kohta bowed, much to Saeko's annoyance.

"You're not half-bad with that sword, Sae-chan" Naruto smiled his foxy smile. A fist connected with the back of his head.

"Show some respect!" Kohta yelled. He soon found himself pinned to a wall.

"Do you like where your balls are?" Naruto put his face close to Kohta's.

Naruto received a nod.

"Do you want them ripped off and shoved up your ass?"

Naruto received a frantic 'no'.

Naruto's grin turned feral," Then I will address people how I wish, Koh-hime. Understood?"

"H-hai" Kohta squeaked slightly as Naruto let him drop.

"Now, we need to get out of this school ASAP. What's the fastest mode of transportation?"

"The school shuttle could get all of us out" Shizuka dangled a set of keys.

"When did you grab those?" Saya questioned.

"Maybe I'm not the dummy everyone thinks I am" Shizuka huffed before tripping over her own skirt and faceplanting.

"Well…so much for that theory" Takashi laughed slightly.

"So what's the plan?" Kohta asked.

"Simple…we blow this zombie ridden pop stand" Rei tried to be brave and succeeded.

"You heard the lady. **Let's move**."

**And that is the second chapter. Hope you enjoy. See you later bro's.**


	3. A Good Ending to a Bad Place

**New chapter for you guys today, as of now the pairings are uncertain. Someone reviewed and he had a point that I was making this too vanilla in the way the plot progressed. I plan on remedying that. I don't own either animes. I also plan on adding an OC or two.**

"Where the fuck is the front door?" Naruto hissed quietly. He felt like they'd been walking in circles for hours.

"It'll just be a few more steps, Naruto-kun" Saeko tried to hush the blonde shinobi.

True to her word, the front door lie in front of them, the only problem was the massive fucking horde of zombies that had decided to gather there.

"Really? Just fucking really?" Naruto stomped towards the group of forty and up zombies with steam coming from his ears.

"Naru-!" Rei began to yell before Saya slapped her hand over her mouth.

"Get the fuck out of my way you rotting, skin sucking, marrow guzzling, undead pieces of horse shit!" Naruto bellowed and charged forward with his sword, blue energy dripping from it. It was like a switch had been flicked on in his head as he mercilessly cut through the undead.

"My God, what the Hell is he?" Kohta's jaw dropped at the display of pure power and skill.

Strings of curses floated through the air and made every girl blush; his tirade was vulgar and raw as he was genuinely sick of dealing with these monsters for today.

"Fucking putrid, limb biting, slowly rotting, poorly dressed, moaning, slouching, motherfuckers. I'M GONNA SEND YOU ALL TO HELL!" Naruto's blue energy had been dyed purple from the blood mixing with the blue.

"Should we hel-" Takashi began.

"No" was the group's answer.

***Twenty Minutes Later***

"Got a one?" Shizuka asked.

"Go Fish" Saya stared at her cards and tried to tune out the roars and squelches that accompanied Naruto tearing the bodies apart.

Saeko was watching in fascination and slight arousal, Takashi was vomiting, Rei was copying Takashi, and Kohta had wet himself a little.

"I think he's almost done" Kohta saw his history teacher's head fly past him and slam into the wall hard enough to chip the concrete.

It took a few more minutes but finally the sounds of death quieted down to Naruto breathing heavily out of his nose and mouth.

"Let's get to the bus, eh?" he smiled and skipped out the door.

"I swear he's fucking bi-polar" Takashi scratched the back of his head in confusion.

Shizuka, in her busty glory, bounced her way towards the bus while jingling the keys merrily. That image alone made two of the three boy's 'soldiers' stand at attention.

'Down! Down I say! I command you!' Takashi mentally yelled at himself.

'Oh, not now!' Kohta cried silently.

The bus rumbled to life as Shizuka started the engine. She was about to drive away when Takashi yelled for her to stop.

"There are people coming!" Kohta began laying down covering fire with his nail-gun.

"Shido…" the name left Rei's mouth like an acid. She ordered Shizuka to drive. Now.

"No, we save all we can!" Naruto barked and began firing his revolver.

The group was getting closer when a student tripped and went down, rolling his ankle. He howled in pain and reached his hand out for Mr. Shido in hopes he would be helped up.

"The weak have no place in this world" Shido raised his foot and brought it down, hard, on the poor teen's face.

Glass shattered and entered his eyes, his nose broke, and the plastic of his frames stuck in his cheek.

Naruto saw every last moment and his blood began to boil. With a roar, he launched himself from the bus with enough force to almost flip it on its side. He appeared beside the boy and grabbed his shoulders.

"I've got you" he whispered in his ear before grabbing Shido and dragging him to the bus.

The boy was crying with pain, blood mixed with the tears and that further added to Naruto's rage as he threw Shido into the side of the bus.

"**YOU FUCKING COWARD! HOW COULD YOU EVER FUCKING DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!" **Naruto got in Shido's face, sword cutting a line across his cheek.

"I-it's sur-survival of the fittest" Shido whimpered like a scared child.

"Well then why are you here? The ruthless always die, killed by the people they stop on and over to get where they want to be" Naruto cut a deep gouge in Shido's lip.

"I'm trying to preserve our species survival" Shido tried to act like a holier-than- thou, white knight but Naruto wasn't going to buy it.

"What's the point of saving the human race if you lose your humanity in the process? Without that…we're just hollow people" Naruto released Shido, but not before promising death when his usefulness was all used up.

The poor student's cries had been reduced to muffled sniffles as glass fell from his ruined eyes and face.

Naruto sighed,_' Kyuubi.'_

'_Hmm? What do you need, Kit?' his inner fox rumbled in his deep voice._

'_I want to help him' Naruto stared at the wounded boy. A certain feeling of kinship echoed through Naruto's subconscious as he too had been almost blinded as a child._

'_It won't be easy. You'll be out of it for a few hours. Then again, Kami wants to have a word with you' Kyuubi began gathering chakra into Naruto's fingers._

"What is your name?" Naruto lifted the boy's face.

"Haru Usagi" the boy whispered through torn lips. Naruto looked him over, black hair that almost covered his eyes, a decent build, and bloody eyes that looked up at him sightlessly.

"Haru, I'm going to fix you…but there may be some…alterations" Naruto placed his hand over Haru's scalp.

"Please, I just want to see" Haru begged and pushed against the hand.

"As you wish" Naruto unleashed Kyuubi's chakra into Haru's own. Crimson energy swirled like an angry Thunder God and surged into the wounded boy's system.

A few moments later, Naruto heard Kami's voice.

'_Sleep, my champion.'_

Naruto did just that.

***Plain of Eternity***

"So you've finally arrived" Kami's voice tinkled like delicate glass.

Naruto groaned and opened his eyes to see he was back in that field of flowers.

Naked.

Again.

"Is this just a fun thing for you to do? Other people read or put together puzzles. You strip me naked" Naruto sat up.

"It's a fun hobby, not like you're complaining."

"What did you need?" Naruto sat up and tried not to blush as he stared at Kami's naked form. He cursed his perverted sensei for corrupting a part of his mind.

"Konoha's fate lies in your hands" Kami opened a window to view his universe.

His village looked the same, save for the group of ninja gathered around the gallows. Danzo, the old war hawk, looked on in a malicious glee. Today he would be rid of multiple pains in his ass.

The Rookie 9, Anko, Kakashi, and Tsunade had nooses around their necks, the rest of the shinobi in the crowd looked on in tears. All felt helpless that they could do nothing to stop Danzo; every attempt had cost the lives of shinobi that had gone to do battle with the tyrant.

The civilians cheered as Danzo went on with his list of 'crimes' the condemned had committed against Konoha.

"Do you destroy them, or do you spare them again?" Kami gripped Naruto's hand.

"Save the shinobi…get them to Suna, somehow. I don't care how…I want to be the one who destroys it" Naruto shook with rage. He had defended them, allowed them to continue existing. Now that was about to change.

In a flash of white, Kami appeared in front of the crowd and scowled deeply.

"_**Pereat morbi filios et filias. Lorem ipsum, et percute manu Dei nunc!" **_she shouted and brought her hands together. Flames danced around the stage as the shinobi disappeared and the civilians remained.

"Today, today Konoha burns!" an angry voice called from the sky.

"What was that?"

"Where are the ninja? They're supposed to protect us!"

One by one, the fear began to seep deeply into the crowd. A blue supernova erupted above them, growing bigger until it began to burn deep into their eyes.

"THIS VILLAGE IS NO MORE! **Fuck You Style: Great Kami Bomb Rasengan!**" Naruto rocketed from the sky fast enough to break the sound barrier.

"It's the demon brat!" Danzo tried to use his Sharingan to control him, but failed miserably.

"Judgment Day is here, motherfuckers! And you failed!" Naruto's swirling chakra buried itself deep into the ground, rocks taking out people in the crowd.

Pure fucking anarchy soon followed.

The earth itself began to twist around the chakra, tearing great chunks of land off and hurtling them into the sky.

"**Kami bomb, break!**" Naruto snapped his fingers and grinned when the energy split apart and sank farther into the earth.

Magma erupted from deep within the crust of the earth and poured towards the crowd. Konoha's fall had finally come as the chakra finally detonated, more powerful than anything since The Sage of Six Paths had battled.

Blue chakra destroyed Konoha and every person in it. Men, women, and children. That fact hit Naruto like a house. He had sacrificed the children to finally wipe this scourge of humanity out. He would reflect on that later, now was the time to escape as Konoha was torn apart molecule by molecule.

When the attack finally died off…all that was left was a crater. No grass, trees, rocks, homes, bones, blood, organs.

Nothing.

Konoha was finally gone.

**Good? Good. See you later bros.**

**(Pereat morbi filios et filias. Lorem ipsum, et percute manu Dei nunc!)**

"**Perish, sons and daughters of disease. Your time is up, and the hand of God will now strike!"**


	4. An Irishman, a Soldier, and a Blonde

**New day, new chapter, new faces. Glad to see the favs and reviews keep on rolling in. I don't own either HOTD or Naruto so suck a sack.**

"Hey, he's waking up" Saeko noted Naruto stirring from his seat in the bus, next to Haru. All on the bus were worried for the pair, sans Shido, and constantly checked on them when time allowed.

"About time, I was beginning to think he'd never get his ass up" Kohta poked Naruto's face only to have the offending digit bent sharply back.

"I'm already awake, Kohta-hime" Naruto heard the bone creak and released the dorky gunman.

"Haru is doing alright, before you ask. He's still asleep but his body seems to be…changing" Saya lifted the injured teen's face to show off some elongated canines.

Naruto opened his mouth to say something but shut it when the bus radio crackled to life," Anyone out there? Anyone on this frequency, it'd be vastly appreciated if you came and gave me and my mates some help!"

The Japanese was terrible and the Irish accent didn't help but the group understood every word and Naruto grabbed the receiver," What's your location?"

"Holy Christ, an answer! I'm about six blocks from that bloody school! Only Irish luck got me out of there in time. The name's Colin by the way" the newly named Irishman's voice sounded a bit strained and frantic.

"How are you holding up Colin?"

"Not well. The duo of dumbasses I'm with are as thick as manure but only half as useful…IMURA! WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL ARE YA DOIN YOU SLOW WIT BASTARD! AIM FOR THE HEAD FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!"

"How many are with you, we're moving for you now" Naruto gave Shizuka directions.

"Fou- never mind that, three. Akio, watch your ba-! Well shit…make that down to two" Colin's voice began to shake.

"We'll be there! Just hold on!"

"Hey, if a potato blight couldn't kill the Irish a bunch or rotting bastards won't do me in!"

The bus veered sharply to the left as Shizuka slammed the brakes and skid around a corner, just in time to see muzzle flashes from firearms.

"There!" Takashi pointed and got his bat ready.

Shido sat in the back of the bus with his students, glowering and waiting for the chance to strike like a coiled snake. Naruto suspected he'd try something.

"Takashi and Saeko are with me. Kohta, Saya, and Rei are going to watch Shido to make sure he's stays nice and gentle. You don't have to go too easy on him" Naruto shot Shido a look of loathing before bolting out the door.

"Jesus Christ, Sergeant! You couldn't hit sand if you fell off a camel!" Colin's voice was more frantic as the dead closed in on his location.

"Shut the Hell up, Colin! If you were only half the man your mother was, we'd be out of this mess already!" another voice yelled and fired his weapon.

"Just keep missing you ruddy bastard and we won't even have to worry about it anymore" Colin shot back.

Naruto could only sweatdrop and charge towards the infected. Takashi and Saeko charged with him, decimating the undead and spilling blood like no other.

"Oi! There's the group I told you about! And you thought I was blowin' smoke up your ass" Colin whooped and began heading towards the door.

"We're here! Get out here and get in the bus, we've got to get the Hell out of here!" Naruto blew the head off an infected about to claw open Takashi's back.

"Let's move, Sergeant Rose!" Colin ran out, wielding a 9mm pistol and a shovel. A man in military fatigues was behind him, an M-4 in hand and a combat knife strapped to his thigh.

Naruto ushered them to the bus before boarding himself, Takashi and Saeko right next to him. The sergeant sat next to Shizuka and Colin next to Saya, wiggling his eyebrows jokingly. Shizuka blushed and Saya rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless. The bus lurched forward and set out towards anywhere safe.

The group took in the new arrivals. Rose had a very toned build and tan skin, a scar ran from the top of his lip to the bottom of his chin and he shouldered the M-4 with a sigh.

Colin was Irish to an almost stereotypical standard. Wild red hair, even wilder green eyes, and a grin that made you pat your pockets to make sure your wallet was still there. He was about 5'8 to his companion's 6'4.

"Thanks for the save, we wouldn't have lasted much longer without the help" Colin breathed a sigh of relief.

Shido decided to make his presence known as he cleared his throat," We were glad to help you! Now if you'd hand me your gun as a token of thanks…."

The shifty man reached out his hand slowly and Colin narrowed his eyes.

"Oi, I never forget a face but I'll make an exception in your case. Now back the fuck off. I know your kind, I can see it in your eyes you self-serving bastard. May you be eaten by a cat and may that cat be eaten by the devil" Colin snarled at Shido, who scowled before trying to force his way forward.

Kohta's nailgun went off and a nail lodged itself in Shido's cheek," I won't miss twice."

"K-Kohta-san! Why woul-"

"SHUT UP! I hate you! Whenever I got bullied and picked on you just sat there! You encouraged it, and for that I should kill you" Kohta had his finger on the trigger but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

"Allow me" Naruto stepped forward and allowed Kyuubi to enhance his demonic features. His eyes turned to slits and and his voice dropped a few octaves to a tone that sent shivers of want down Saeko's spine.

Naruto picked Shido up by the front of his shirt and grinned savagely before opening the back door of the bus and tossing Shido out.

"No! You can't do this!" Shido tried to scramble up but a bullet to the knee from Naruto stopped all efforts.

"Good luck, goodbye, and good riddance" Naruto turned and closed the door on the bus. He asked anyone if they had any qualms about what had just transpired.

No one did.

"Where to, Naruto-kun?" Saeko asked.

"Does anyone know a safe place for us to camp?"

"Oh, I do! We can go to my friend's house! She's got a truck as big as a tank and a bunch of guns and gates!" Shizuka giggled and stepped on the accelerator.

Colin adjusted his black shirt and smoothed his torn jeans before looking at Saya," Ay there lass, you look magically delicious and I just so happen to be a cereal dater."

Saya blushed up a storm before smacking Colin across the face with enough force to slam his head into the window.

"Ah, a feisty one!" Colin rubbed his cheek and grinned.

Naruto could only laugh as Shizuka drove and flirted with Sgt. Rose at the same time. Rei and Takashi were cuddling in the back and Saeko was eyeing him like a piece of meat.

His thoughts were interrupted when Haru began to groan," Ugh, what the fuck happened?"

"Glad to see you're awake there, Sleeping Beauty" Naruto dropped a hand on Haru's shoulder.

"You? I can- I can see!" Haru held his hands in front of his face and looked around like this was his first time seeing everything.

"You can, consider it a gift" Naruto smiled.

"What happened to Shido?" Haru spit the name out.

"Well, if you look out the back, you can see him hobbling after us with a bullet lodged in his kneecap" Naruto began cleaning his pistol only to almost drop it when he glimpsed Haru's eyes.

They were crimson.

"_Yeah…that was my bad" Kyuubi scratched the back of her head with a sheepish laugh._

"_What the fuck happened to him?" Naruto questioned._

"_I kind of….twisted his DNA like a cat with a ball of string and accidently made him… a fox underling. Almost like a slave to you but with his own free-will."_

"_What. Have. You. Done?" Naruto hissed in his mind._

"_It was an accident!" Kyuubi protested._

"_I don't give a damn! He's gonna be so pissed off!" Naruto shot back._

"_Well, you wanted to save him!"_

"_I didn't mean fuck with his genome until he turned into another demon!"_

"Naruto-san? Is something wrong?" Haru waved his hand in Naruto's face slowly.

"I'm…fine. We are gonna have a lot to talk about" Naruto rubbed his face with a drawn out moan."

"This is gonna be a long day."

…

**Colin MacAteer**

**Age: 17**

**Blood Type: O negative**

**Occupation: Foreign exchange student/ mechanic apprentice**

**Bio: Lived in Ireland until he was 15 until he and his family moved to Japan for a new start and a better job. Both parents are deceased. **

…..

**Sergeant Kyle Rose**

**Age: 31**

**Blood Type: AB Positive**

**Occupation: Training the Japanese Self Defense Force/ Drill instructor**

**Bio: An instructor on loan from the Green Berets to teach the under-trained defense force in the basics of conventional warfare. Has a son back in the states and an ex-wife whom he rarely speaks to.**


	5. The Metal Saves All

**Hey guys, a new story and a new chapter for you today. Hope you enjoy. Don't own either of the anime or manga bitches. I wish I owned Judas Priest… his is one of the only songs I will put in this fic.**

"I'M A WHAT?!" Haru shouted, his new eyes wide and annoyed.

"Well…my technical kind of…slave" Naruto scratched the back of his head and cursed Kyuubi loudly in his mind for putting him in this situation.

"You've got a lot to explain, Naruto" Takashi decided to step forward and throw his opinion in.

"Later. First we need to get to the house and hole up for as long as physically fucking possible and see if we can get a window to escape" Naruto watched Shizuka drive and flirt at the same time.

"Sgt. Rose's one of the best damn soldiers I've ever seen. He saved my red-headed ass, that's for damn sure" Colin sat back in his seat and tried to place an arm over Saya's shoulders only to be elbowed in the face.

"Where's he from?" one of Shido's students asked.

Colin sighed," You see that giant American flag on his arm? He must be from fucking Scotland. He's a little slow isn't he? It'd probably take him an hour and a half to watch '60 Minutes'".

"Colin…are you always an Irish asshole?" Kohta laughed at the student's embarrassed face.

"It's not that the Irish are mean. It's rather that we have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody" Colin stood and stretched his muscles before shooting Kohta a mock-glare.

"So what can you tell us about yourselves?" Naruto pointed to both Sgt. Rose and Colin.

"Well, I'll let the Sarge speak for himself but me…I'm from an ancient clan called the MacAteer, a spin off from the Ulster. I lived in Ireland until my parents got jobs here, then like all mysteriously handsome men like myself, my parents were killed a while back. Ask me what happened and I'll break your fucking lower jaw and wire it shut with your hair. My teacher took me in and fed me, kept me off the streets until all this shit went up in flames" Colin had a slightly sad look on his face before he snapped up and grinned.

The Sergeant cleared his throat," Name's Sgt. Kyle Rose, Green Beret and instructor to the Self Defense Force here in Japan. I don't really talk about myself all that much, I served in Iraq and Pakistan before I was transferred here. There's not much else to tell."

Rose shifted in his seat before looking away. Something was bothering him, but it wasn't their place to pry.

"Fuck!" Takashi yelled and pointed out the window towards a crowd of Them.

"Yay, more death" Naruto swung out of a window and onto the roof. Colin walked up to the radio with a USB cord and an Ipod.

"Please excuse me there, beautiful" he kneeled beside Naruto and plugged the cord into the audio jack.

Naruto leapt from the roof, sword shimmering with energy and .44 strapped to his thigh. His roar shook buildings and shattered a few windows as the allowed Kyuubi to take over for a brief few minutes. One infected leapt at him, attempting to sink its teeth into his forearm. It latched on, probably expecting to draw blood. Instead, Naruto flexed his arm and flared his chakra. The creatures jaw and eyes exploded like someone squeezed an egg.

_**Faster than a bullet**_

_**Terrifying scream**_

_**Enraged and full of anger**_

_**He's half man and half machine**_

Colin was head banging inside the bus, Kohta and Takashi following his lead. Who the fuck could resist Judas Priest? Kohta provided suppressive fire from his nail gun while Takashi leapt out to assist Naruto followed by a madly grinning Colin. Rose sighed and smiled before nodding his head to the beat.

_**Rides the Metal Monster**_

_**Breathing smoke and fire**_

_**Closing in with vengeance soaring high**_

"Get everyone off the bus! We'll use The Metal to distract them!" Naruto continued to slice through the horde with no signs of fatigue. The music was rebounding off the buildings and echoing throughout the city, most likely attracting every undead in the nearby fifteen blocks.

_**He is the Painkiller**_

_**This is the Painkiller**_

"Naruto! It's like this fucking song is about you!" Takashi chuckled and destroyed a zombie with his bat.

Haru was sitting in his seat, eyes wide and pupils dilated and fingers clenching the seat in front of him until he tore into the fabric," Must…Kill…Them."

Almost as fast as Naruto, he sprinted from the bus with a demonic laugh.

"Well, this could be a problem" Naruto watched as Haru tore into the undead with his bare fucking hands.

"Holy shit" Rose watched in awe before turning and firing his rifle into the horde in front of them.

_**Planets devastated**_

_**Mankind's on its knees**_

_**A saviour comes from out the skies**_

_**In answer to their pleas**_

Saya and Saeko led the other students off the bus and towards a nearby alleyway while Naruto ordered all the others to follow. Haru looked at Naruto uncertainly until the blonde barked at him to move his ass and get out of the way.

_**Through boiling clouds of thunder**_

_**Blasting bolts of steel**_

_**Evils going under deadly wheels**_

"What makes you think you can handle all these bastards?" a tall student with a shock of blonde and brown hair called over his shoulder and wished to help the teenager who'd helped him.

"What makes me think that? I'm the motherfuckin' Painkiller!" Naruto surged forward and slashed a dozen walking corpses in half.

_**He is the Painkiller**_

_**This is the Painkiller**_

'Only a hundred more left' Saeko admired his butt when Naruto wasn't looking.

Naruto made hand seals until he yelled out," This is getting boring! **Fire Style: Hellfire Inferno!"**

Hell was released on Earth as white flames blasted from Naruto's mouth and quickly consumed the horde but left Naruto exhausted and vulnerable.

"Get him! Come on, the apartment is only a few blocks away!" Kohta grabbed Naruto's arm and dragged him along towards a building with a large metal fence surrounding it.

_**Faster than a lazer bullet**_

_**Louder than an atom bomb**_

_**Chromium plated boiling metal**_

_**Brighter than a thousand suns**_

_**Flying high on rapture**_

_**Stronger free and brave**_

_**Nevermore encaptured**_

_**They've been brought back from the grave**_

_**With mankind resurrected**_

_**Forever to survive**_

_**Returns from Armageddon to the skies**_

Even half-conscious, Naruto still smiled.

Why?

He was the motherfucking Painkiller.

_**He is the Painkiller**_

_**This is the Painkiller**_

_**Wings of steel Painkiller**_

_**Deadly wheels Painkiller**_

The group of fifteen survivors sprinted hard towards the safety of the gates and slammed them shut behind them.

"Well that was almost a clusterfuck" Colin breathed a sigh of relief and immediately started towards the house, snaking an arm around Saya and dragging her with him, much to her…'dismay' if you could call it that.

The others could only laugh and follow his lead before Rose produced a detonator from his pocket.

"Boom," he squeezed the mechanism and the bus exploded in a shower of flames and shrapnel, decimating the undead now surrounding it. The echo from the blast attracting most of the undead in half the city away from the house.

"Metal" Colin through up the horns and stepped into the house.

Naruto's chakra was beginning to replenish and he could now walk on his own, but not before Saeko got in an 'accidental' grope of his behind.

The inside of the house was spectacular as the group made themselves at home for the time being.

"So what do we do now?" asked a girl, now identified as Yuuki Miku directed the question at Naruto.

"Well…I don't know" Naruto answered with a perplexed look.

"How about we gather ammo, weapons, and supplies while Colin entertains the girls with his…'humor', eh?" Rose started nudging Naruto towards the door to the kitchen.

"Yeah, good luck Colin" Naruto snickered and left with Rose, Kohta, and Takashi.

"Oh, so I've got to entertain the lasses, eh? Alright ladies. An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants.

"Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?"

"Ach," says the Irish man, "it's drivin' me nuts!"

Colin stood in front of the ladies with his arms outstretched and a wide smile of his face.

Only Saya laughed, the others just looked at him like he had a weasel growing out of his ass.

"Oi, you ladies aren't any fun you know that?" Colin pouted and sat down next to Saya.

"Or maybe you just suck at telling jokes" Rei smacked him in the back of the head.

"Pfft, women" Colin snorted and laughed until he felt massive bloodlust from the girls next to him.

"What was that?" Saeko had a sweet smile on her face….too sweet.

"Not the face!"

The others could hear Colin's shrieks and the girls' evil laughter and shivered.

"Maybe we shouldn't have left him" Naruto felt guilty that he'd left the Irishman to such a horrible fate.

"Hell, better him than me" Rose turned and ripped open a locker with one goddamn hand.

Inside was a treasure that immediately made Kohta squeal and shove everyone else out of the way.

An Ithaca M37 is fitted with an Aimpoint Comp M2 scope, a Springfield Super Match M1A with rails attached for a Surefire M900 foregrip and an Aimpoint Comp M2/3 red dot sight, an Armalite AR-10 assault rifle with a 16X Telescopic sight, and a Barnett Wildcat C5 Crossbow.

Kohta soon fainted with a gun boner.

**Hope you guys liked it, the next chapter will be a little lengthier and be on the lookout for my new story Dying 2 Live, a Left 4 Dead fanfic. Good? Good. See you later jabroni's.**


End file.
